how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize