Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
