Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
