hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
