Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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