you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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