I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
