Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
