11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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