so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize