I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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