Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
