thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
