apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
me + whiskey = a bad person
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
