just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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