AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
