I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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