porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
