I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
