Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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