WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
