while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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