Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
