im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
