I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
