I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
