there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
