so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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