I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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