That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
