I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
