No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
