So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize