I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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