Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
