nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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