Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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