I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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