It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
