My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize