You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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