shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
