I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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