Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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