YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
