imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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