dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
