I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
