So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
