Do vagina's smell?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
