so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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