i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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