i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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