im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
