So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
