she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Enjoy the penises
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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