I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
