Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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