I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
