You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
