Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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