I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize