Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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