just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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