Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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