Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
