i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
there is glitter all over my balls
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
