yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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