im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
