I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize