she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
