i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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