I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
