I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
