would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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