i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
