im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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