Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
