then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
