every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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