My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize