Yo dont text me then not text me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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