And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
