Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
