btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
