just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
