chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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