I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
