yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
