I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
