How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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