that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
