I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
