At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
