i was born a porn star she said
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
