I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
