she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
