Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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