areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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