but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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