DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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