Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
